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100 Clean Jokes for the Whole Family

Looking for clean jokes that make everyone laugh without making anyone blush? You found them. These 100 family-friendly clean jokes are safe for kids, appropriate for work, and welcome at school, so you can share them anywhere without a second thought.

From clever puns to silly riddles, every joke on this page proves that funny does not have to be rude. Read a few out loud at dinner, tuck one into a birthday card, or keep a favorite in your back pocket for conversational emergencies.

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Best Clean Jokes for Kids and Adults

1
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
2
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
3
What do you call a pony with a cough? A little hoarse.
4
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
5
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies.
6
Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired.
7
Why do we tell actors to break a leg? Because every play has a cast.
8
Have you heard about the new restaurant called Karma? There's no menu, you get what you deserve.
9
What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.
10
I only know twenty-five letters of the alphabet. I don't know y.
11
What did one wall say to the other wall? I'll meet you at the corner.
12
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener.
13
Why did the man fall down the well? He couldn't see that well.
14
What's red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.
15
I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won't stop crashing.
16
Why did the student wear glasses in math class? To improve di-vision.
17
What has thirteen hearts but no other organs? A deck of cards.
18
Why did the car get a flat tire? There was a fork in the road.
19
What's brown, hairy, and wears sunglasses? A coconut on vacation.
20
What did one hat say to the other? You stay here, I'll go on ahead.

Clever Clean Puns

21
I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.
22
What do you call a pencil with two erasers? Pointless.
23
Why did the poor man stock up on yeast? To make some dough.
24
What do you call a group of disorganized cats? A cat-tastrophe.
25
I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
26
What do you call a belt made of watches? A waist of time.
27
What kind of shoes do frogs wear? Open-toad sandals.
28
No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.
29
What did the stamp say to the envelope? Stick with me and we'll go places.
30
I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
31
Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
32
What is a computer's favorite animal? A mouse.
33
I got hit in the head with a can of soda. Luckily it was a soft drink.
34
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.
35
The past, the present, and the future had a fight. It was tense.
36
What do you call a factory that makes acceptable products? A satisfactory.
37
Why did the nurse carry a red pen? In case she had to draw blood.
38
I'm terrified of elevators, so I'm taking steps to avoid them.
39
What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.
40
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she'll let it go.

Clean Animal Jokes

41
Why don't oysters share their pearls? Because they're shellfish.
42
Where do polar bears keep their money? In a snowbank.
43
Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.
44
What do you call a penguin in the desert? Lost.
45
Why did the whale cross the ocean? To get to the other tide.
46
What do you call an owl that does magic tricks? Hoodini.
47
Why don't seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they'd be bagels.
48
What's a cat's favorite dessert? A bowl of mice cream.
49
Why did the spider go to the computer? To check his website.
50
What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon.
51
Why are elephants so wrinkled? They take too long to iron.
52
What do you call a deer with no eyes? No-eye-deer.
53
Where do fish keep their money? In riverbanks.
54
What do you call a grumpy insect? A grumble bee.
55
Why don't sharks like fast food? Because they can't catch it.
56
How do rabbits travel? By hare-plane.
57
Why do birds fly south for the winter? Because it's too far to walk.
58
What's black and white and red all over? A sunburned zebra.
59
Why did the turkey join the band? Because he had the drumsticks.
60
What's the difference between a cat and a comma? A cat has claws at the end of its paws, and a comma is a pause at the end of a clause.

Clean Jokes About Everyday Life

61
Why did the phone wear glasses? It lost its contacts.
62
What kind of shoes do spies wear? Sneakers.
63
Why did the belt get arrested? For holding up a pair of pants.
64
I wondered why the frisbee kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
65
I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over it.
66
What kind of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree.
67
What did the big bucket say to the little bucket? You look a little pail.
68
What do you call a shoe made from a banana? A slipper.
69
I tried to catch some fog earlier. I mist.
70
What did the policeman say to his belly button? You're under a vest.
71
What has a bed but never sleeps? A river.
72
What room do ghosts avoid? The living room.
73
Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts.
74
I have a joke about chemistry, but I don't think I'll get a reaction.
75
I told my suitcases there would be no vacation this year. Now I'm dealing with emotional baggage.
76
How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
77
I would tell you a construction joke, but I'm still working on it.
78
I asked the librarian for books about paranoia. She whispered that they were right behind me.
79
What's the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty.
80
I know a lot of jokes about umbrellas, but they usually go right over people's heads.

Clean Riddles with Easy Answers

81
What gets bigger the more you take away? A hole.
82
What has a neck but no head? A bottle.
83
What has keys but can't open a single lock? A piano.
84
What goes up but never comes down? Your age.
85
What can travel around the world while staying in a corner? A stamp.
86
What has a thumb and four fingers but is not alive? A glove.
87
What can you catch but never throw? A cold.
88
What has one head, one foot, and four legs? A bed.
89
What runs but never walks? Your nose.
90
What has words but never speaks? A book.
91
What can fill a room but takes up no space? Light.
92
What has a bottom at the top? Your legs.
93
What goes through cities and fields but never moves? A road.
94
What has six faces but never smiles? A dice.
95
What is always in front of you but can't be seen? The future.
96
What is full of holes but still holds water? A sponge.
97
What question can you never honestly answer yes to? Are you asleep yet.
98
What is so fragile that saying its name breaks it? Silence.
99
What begins with T, ends with T, and has T in it? A teapot.
100
What five-letter word becomes shorter when you add two letters? Short.

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Frequently Asked Questions

What counts as a clean joke?

A clean joke is funny without swear words, rude topics, or mean-spirited punches. It is humor you can share with kids, coworkers, and grandparents without checking the room first.

Are clean jokes actually funny for adults too?

Yes. The best clean jokes rely on clever wordplay and surprise endings, which land with every age. That is exactly why comedians love a smart pun.

Where can I use these clean jokes?

Anywhere: school, work, dinner parties, speeches, birthday cards, and family group chats. That is the whole point of a clean joke, it travels well.

How do I remember a joke when I need one?

Pick one favorite each week and repeat it a few times. Keep a short list on your phone so a good clean joke is always one tap away.