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100 Halloween Jokes That Are a Real Scream

Halloween is the one night a year when skeletons, ghosts, and vampires are socially acceptable dinner guests — so you'd better have the jokes ready. This collection of 100 Halloween jokes covers ghosts, witches, skeletons, pumpkins, and trick-or-treating, all clean enough for kids and funny enough for adults.

They're perfect for Halloween party games, lunchbox notes, classroom parties, and captioning your costume photos. When October's over, keep the laughs going with our Christmas jokes — the next big holiday on the joke calendar.

🧒 Kids Jokes 👨 Dad Jokes 😄 Clean Jokes 🧸 Jokes for 5-Year-Olds 🌽 Corny Jokes

Classic Halloween Jokes

1
Why didn't the skeleton go to the Halloween party? Because he had no body to go with.
2
What do you call a witch who lives at the beach? A sand-witch.
3
Why don't ghosts lie? Because you can see right through them.
4
What room does a ghost not need? A living room.
5
Why did the skeleton skip the party? He had nobody to dance with.
6
What's a vampire's favorite fruit? A blood orange.
7
Why did the zombie skip school? He felt rotten.
8
What do ghosts use to wash their hair? Sham-boo.
9
Why are ghosts bad liars? You can see right through them.
10
What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite.
11
Why did the mummy call the doctor? Because he was all wrapped up.
12
What is a witch's favorite subject in school? Spelling.
13
Why did the witch refuse to wear a flat hat? Because there was no point.
14
How do you fix a broken jack-o'-lantern? With a pumpkin patch.
15
Why don't mummies take time off? They're afraid to unwind.
16
What do you call a fat pumpkin? A plumpkin.
17
Why did the vampire read the newspaper? He heard it had great circulation.
18
What's a ghost's favorite dessert? I-scream.
19
Why did the skeleton go to the movies alone? He couldn't find any body to go with.
20
What do you call two witches who live together? Broom-mates.

Ghost Jokes

21
Where do ghosts buy their food? The ghost-ery store.
22
What do you call a ghost's true love? His ghoul-friend.
23
Why did the ghost go to the bar? For the boos.
24
What's a ghost's favorite game? Hide-and-go-shriek.
25
Where do ghosts go on vacation? The Dead Sea.
26
What did the ghost say to the bee? "Boo-bee!"
27
Why are ghosts so bad at lying? Because everything they say goes through one ear and out the... other ear.
28
What do ghosts drive? Boo-gattis.
29
How do ghosts stay in shape? By exorcising.
30
What's a ghost's favorite type of road? A dead end.
31
Why did the ghost quit his job? It kept raising his spirits.
32
What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost? Bam-boo.
33
Where does a ghost park his boat? At the Lake of Eerie.
34
What do baby ghosts wear on Halloween? Pillowcases.
35
Why did the ghost break up with the zombie? She kept giving him the silent treatment — and he kept giving her the decaying treatment.

Skeleton Jokes

36
Why can't skeletons play church music? They don't have any organs.
37
What do you call a skeleton who won't work? Lazy bones.
38
Why did the skeleton climb up the ladder? To get to the high bone.
39
What's a skeleton's favorite instrument? The trom-BONE.
40
Why are skeletons so calm? Nothing gets under their skin.
41
What do you call a skeleton who went out in the snow? A numb-skull.
42
How do skeletons make calls? On the tele-bone.
43
Why did the skeleton run up the tree? Because a dog wanted his bones.
44
Where do skeletons keep their money? In the crypt-ic bank.
45
What did the skeleton order at the restaurant? Spare ribs.
46
Why don't skeletons fight? They don't have the guts.
47
What's a skeleton's least favorite room? The living room.
48
Why did the skeleton go to the dance alone? He had no body to go with — again.
49
What do you call a skeleton detective? Sherlock Bones.
50
Why are skeletons such good musicians? They really know their way around the scales.

Witch Jokes

51
What do you call a witch's garage? A broom closet.
52
Why did the witch stay in a hotel? She heard the service was bewitching.
53
What do witches put on their bagels? Scream cheese.
54
How does a witch tell time? With a witch-watch.
55
Why did the witch's team lose the game? Their bats flew away.
56
What do you call a witch at the beach? A sand-witch — with extra tan-g.
57
Why do witches fly on brooms? Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy.
58
What sound do witches' cereals make? Snap, cackle, and pop.
59
Why did the witch go to therapy? She had too many hex-issues.
60
What's a witch's favorite makeup? Ma-scare-a.
61
Where do witches learn to fly? At boarding school.
62
What happened to the witch who broke her broom? She was disqualified from the witch trials.
63
Why did the student witch get bad grades? Her mind kept wand-ing.
64
What do you call a witch who can't decide? A hedge-witch — she's on the fence.
65
Why did the witch get pulled over? She was brooming too fast in a no-fly zone.

Vampire Jokes

66
Why don't vampires have friends? Because they're a pain in the neck.
67
What's a vampire's favorite soup? Gazpacho-lesterol? No — blood broth.
68
Why did the vampire get a job at the blood bank? It was in his blood.
69
How do vampires flirt? They bat their eyes.
70
What's a vampire's favorite dog? A bloodhound.
71
Why did Dracula go to the orthodontist? To improve his bite.
72
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a teacher? Lots of blood tests.
73
Why did the vampire fail art class? He could only draw blood.
74
What is a vampire's favorite sport? Bat-minton.
75
Why did the vampire read the Wall Street Journal? He heard it had great circulation — okay, we checked, it's true.
76
Where do vampires keep their savings? In a blood bank.
77
Why don't vampires use autocorrect? Because they love type-O.
78
How does a vampire start a letter? "Tomb it may concern..."
79
What do vampires take for a cold? Coffin drops.
80
Why did the vampire break up with his girlfriend? She wasn't his type — B positive.

Pumpkin & Trick-or-Treat Jokes

81
What do you say to a pumpkin on Halloween? "Cut it out!"
82
Why was the jack-o'-lantern afraid to cross the road? It had no guts.
83
What's the ratio of a pumpkin's circumference to its diameter? Pumpkin pi.
84
Who helps little pumpkins cross the road safely? The crossing gourd.
85
What do you get when you divide a pumpkin's circumference by its diameter? Pumpkin pi — yes, it's so good it's worth two slices.
86
Why did the pumpkin sit on the porch? It needed to unwind.
87
What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot. (Happy Halloween — trick!)
88
Who did the pumpkin take to the Halloween dance? His ghoul-friend.
89
Why do jack-o'-lanterns sit on porches? Because they have no hands to knock.
90
What's a pumpkin's favorite basketball move? The slam-gourd.
91
Why was the candy corn so proud? Because it made it through Halloween un-eaten — a corn miracle.
92
What candy do zombies refuse to eat? LIFE savers.
93
Why did the trick-or-treater bring a ladder? To reach the high fructose corn syrup.
94
What do kids say when they don't get candy? "You've got to be kidding — no Snickers?"
95
What's a ghost's favorite candy? Boo-blegum.
96
Why don't skeletons ever pay for candy? Because it's bone-us free on Halloween.
97
What did the mommy candy corn say to the baby candy corn? "Don't play in the street — you'll get creamed."
98
Why was the little ghost sent to his room? He kept raising spirits.
99
How do you know if a trick-or-treater is a math nerd? They ask for pumpkin pi.
100
What do you call a Halloween costume that's half pumpkin, half superhero? A Jack-o-Lan-TERNado.

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Frequently Asked Questions

What are good Halloween jokes for kids?

Short, spooky, and pun-based — like "Why didn't the skeleton go to the party? He had no body to go with." Every joke on this page is kid-safe. For younger children, our jokes for 5-year-olds has extra-simple options.

What do you write in a Halloween card?

One or two of these jokes plus "Hope your Halloween is a scream!" Skeleton and ghost puns work best in cards because they're self-explanatory — no setup required.

Why do we tell scary jokes on Halloween?

Because laughing at spooky stuff is how kids (and adults) process fear. Humor makes the scary safe — which is basically the whole point of Halloween.

When should I start posting Halloween jokes?

Searches for Halloween jokes spike the first two weeks of October and peak October 24-31. That's the window for parties, classroom activities, and social posts.